As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
