I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
