I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
