if i can run in heels then i can drive
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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