idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
