there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
