I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
