True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Every concussion has its silver lining
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
