u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize