it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
