I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
