So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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