I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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