somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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