Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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