what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
