they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
