I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
