and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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