did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
