I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize