so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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