i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
