I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
