YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
