everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
