Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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