I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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