I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
