You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
