i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
