I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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