I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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