Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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