I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
