my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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