idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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