I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
