We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
