Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
