he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
