I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
