I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
