Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
