Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
