I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
