at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize