if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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