how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
