I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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