Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
