Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
