So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I would fuck him just for his dog
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
