I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
