She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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