do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
