dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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