Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
