I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
