I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
