i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
