I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
