from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
