So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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