I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize