I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
