I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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