i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
