oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
No subtext here. People are naked.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
