I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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