so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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