I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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